To do anything less is to fail our children and the principles upon which this nation was founded. We often have dinner together. Evangelical men have mounted a campaign to take away my civil rights and declare me a non-person. His historical books read like good fiction. The fact that there was a fix put me at a crossroads: do I chance giving up everything that I have to be me or do I continue living as that guy. But everything has. Though I never allow my gender status to define me, because above all I am human and my interests expand beyond what the world perceives me to be. I am still here. But they cannot see me. Schools exist to educate students. I miss my old home and the many things I lost, but I wouldn't trade what I gained for any of that, now. A few were not. Even though it's been a tough process for my family I choose to stand on the side of love and acceptance for my father and so many others," Jonathan wrote on his Facebook page. I wrestled with it, and threw out three times as much material as appears in the final edit. Figuring out who I am, and living my life with integrity has been the grand challenge of my lifetime. I always thought I would find rejection if the secret I hid from my parents was ever discovered. Thankfully, protections are emerging so we don't depend on folks deciding to "do the right thing.". In June of 2012, after being prompted to address my unorthodox take on male grooming standards, I became the first openly transgender correctional officer at San Quentin State Prison. Be safe, be thoughtful; but always take steps forward to your goal. As I wrote a few weeks ago, one of the leading organizations rallying people against trans rights is the American Principles Project. Dr. Paula Williams is Transgender and Shares Key - Tanya Priv Even at the highest levels of evangelical ministry, Paula's dreams of transitioning continued. Today, that number is down to 47 percent, a rather precipitous drop. We take spiders outside and wish them well on their journey. It was critical for me to show what it meant to be a trans identifying individual in the workplace and the world. no hate here.". Paul was never here. But they saw what they saw and they are sad, angry, hurt. I love her. My goal is to spread awareness about transgender issues and change the way trans people are seen and treated in our country. Here is the description of the new talk that my speakers agency will be offering throughout the United States and Canada. To truly examine the state of this countrys relations with its own transgender community or even to begin understanding the real-lived experiences of transgender people, we must first examine ourselves. MINT on: cultureofwomen.com #womenpower. A list of some organizations offering support and information. But you take yourself with yourself wherever you go, and eventually the limerence stage of young love, with a place or a person, yields to the always restless longings of the soul. The column that I wrote wasnt the best piece of craft, but its rawness was powerful. It has been much harder for my children and their spouses, and much harder still for Cathy. Im re-reading James Holliss The Middle Passage and getting ready to start Ed Yongs An Immense World. It was only when I woke up gasping for air with the noose still around my neck, that I realized I had nothing else to lose by transitioning. How do you prove you are still married when you just celebrated your 50th wedding anniversary 16 days earlier? We are redefining the expectations and stigma of what it is to be transgender. Neither is losing your entire pension, or having hundreds of friends abandon you because you are no longer useful to them. Within the world of most scripture scholars, this type of biblical interpretation was dismissed more than a century ago. I put the page number on the left side, and then a quote. "I am learning a lot about what it means to be a female, and I am learning a lot about my former gender," she says. Hope youll give us another try and check out some other articles. We were loyal, thoughtful, and kind with each other, even though we had the same kinds of issues common to all marriages. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your device and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. It wasn't like when I was that innocent boy who wore a dress and felt liberated. I have resisted labeling and being labeled all my life; but if you insist on labeling me, you may say that I am trans-gifted. I try to tell myself, 'one day things will be better, one day I'll be able to get the treatment I need,' but I don't believe it. I have not started transitioning, yet I do try to make myself happier by appearing more feminine. Danny Lavery welcomes Paula Stone Williams, an internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. Then her name was Paul. The idea that we would be on a rampage to destroy property is beyond absurd. A few were glowing. The struggle has been real for almost 30 years but I have managed to make a life for myself despite the pain and heartache. Ive given up on thinking of life as any destination, any Ithaca. I was told that is the common ending to gender issues. It is my opinion that for the majority of the population there is a predisposition before experience to behavior identified with one gender or the other. I have a friend from New Zealand who said on a call last week, What is wrong with America? In most Western nations, the subject brings a big yawn. But, my mom lost a daughter to gain a second son. Still contemplating how to live my authentic self. . Before then I didn't have a name for what I felt. So I answered it. I already know what those talks are going to be about. We are people who have a hard time destroying dandelions in our front lawns, because you know, they are dandelions. These Christians will fight tooth and nail to eradicate all transgender rights. I have left them fatherless. Everyone with whom I was close, including Cathy, knew it was no longer sustainable for me to remain living as Paul. But that never stopped me from doing my best to be who I was. Being transgender has taught me the strength of self-awareness, how to practice patience, the power in forgiveness, how to embrace awkwardness and the importance of releasing shame. I was reading an article last week that said people are no longer attending religious services, but they are reaching out for the help of a spiritual director or pastoral counselor. We both have deep friendships and good work. Once an evangelical pastor, a transgender woman is on a mission to Ive had the privilege of meeting and hearing the stories of other transgender people like me and people who belong to non-western genderslike Indian hijra or Native American two-spirit or Samoan fa'afafine. Becoming a psychiatrist and confronting mental and emotional suffering beckoned me to confront my own. I think of the Paul Simon song sometimes, the one that goes, 'I believe in the future we will suffer no more. Trans Activist Led Anti-LGBTQ Evangelical Denomination for 35 - Yahoo November 28, 2017 November 28, 2017 / Paula Stone Williams / 9 Comments. For awhile she believed a "gender fairy" would. Williams . Then there are the reviews. Its not just childrens rights that are being threatened. One of my undergraduate professors told me to scare myself everyday, because courage is a muscle which needs to be exercised. I like to mix humor with pathos, and I couldnt find much humor in the actions that forced the development of my resilience. I got counseling about three months after I found out. I can usually blow off that kind of ugly stuff, but this was harder than usual, both because of the blatant and combative nature of it, and because it was aimed at Cathy as well as me. Everything I spent decades building was gone in a week. Looking back at 20 years of Colorado Matters Itll always be that way when you live in community with other messy, self-absorbed, avoidant humans. Something I thought I'd never find. Individuals come together and miracles happen. I have already testified against anti-trans laws and have worked with the Biden administration to bring accurate information about gender issues to the American public. Seriously? I thought it would take as little as a decade to bring about equity for trans and non-binary people in most parts of America, and not more than a couple of decades in more conservative regions. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are telling the world that we are part of all societies and will settle for nothing less than respect. I don't know if I can stay a man. My transgender immigrant journey is unique and not representative of all the struggles of our communities, but I hope to encourage everybody to aspire to a life of authenticity. Longmont church co-pastor speaks at 59th Inaugural National Prayer Service My old way of coping was to make myself invisible. I was a senior in college and she was a sophomore. I still remember the day my mother announced that I could no longer run shirtless outdoors in the sunshine. It is just a fact. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have a family and friends who are overwhelmingly supportive. A Denver television channel showed a video of the principal of one of the schools in which he detailed the supposed threat. A man could become a women? She is lives in Boulder, Colorado. A trans woman on losing male privilege | RNZ I was ashamed of how I felt and stuffed down what I thought was a terrible secret, only to be met with open arms and discover affirmation, validation, and love. Paula Stone Williams is a transgender pastor. Kristie always preaches during Pride month, and for Palm Sunday. I have effectively traded my white male privilege to become one of Americas most hated minorities. Paula Stone Williams | A Transgender Pastor On A Hero's Journey - End Well A long journey over water clears the mind. It was a lesson that Williams avoided confronting until after December 2013, when the married father of three announced plans to transition to Paula the woman she'd yearned to be since she was 4 years old. Walking the streets of New York as the woman I had struggled to fully express so many decades earlier was exhilarating. The church is messy. Reading my sons book would be a threat to your conviction that transgender people destroy their families. In May, Paula and Cathy gathered with their family including five granddaughters who call Paula "Grampaula" to celebrate her 70th birthday in Hawaii. As a Woman: What I Learned about Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy after I I love my family more than anything and I still find myself asking, Was there another way? It is always an open question. I almost lost my health insurance. Pastor who led conservative church planting organisation for 20 years Stopping anti-trans laws from being signed into law will solve that problem. Not many transgender people have the kind of post-transition blessings I enjoy. I had a pretty sterling reputation, but then I transitioned. People always expect me to tell them horror stories. I have been gifted a re-birth. [5] She currently lives in Colorado. After I came out, I realized that everything in my life had been divided between me pursuing my career and me being myself, and how much that had cost me. I love my wife, and I know she loves me. Genderqueer people like me are an important, but often overlooked, part of the transgender community. For Cathy and me, that language is descriptive, but not very helpful. But last I checked, my generation isnt dying off all that quickly. EXCLUSIVE: Sean Hanish and Paul Jaconi-Biery's Cannonball Productions has secured the rights to transgender pastor Dr. Paula Stone Williams ' just released book As a Woman: What I Learned about. By subscribing, you understand and agree that we will store, process and manage your personal information according to our. But I survived and am living a much better life now. The evangelical bubble makes me chuckle until I realize how much damage is being done to our nation because of evangelical perspectives on gender. Behind closed doors, however, Paul was beginning to embrace a different life as Paula. Like an amoeba under a microscope, Im a living data point. After coming out as transgender in December 2012, Williams was swiftly fired from a position as an evangelical Christian leader. She is one author Id rather listen to than read. I live my life proudly beyond the gender binary, and even if you think Im just a man in a dress, you better damn well respect me. When I was with guys I never fit in, when with women I always fit in. According to a Pew Research Study, only 42 percent of Americans know someone who is out as a transgender person. You can find out more and change our default settings with Cookies Settings. At 45 years old I became the woman I am today. Now She Fights For Gender Equity", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Paula_Stone_Williams&oldid=1146818712, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, Pastor of Envision Community Church, former CEO of Orchard Group, This page was last edited on 27 March 2023, at 03:57. When puberty and middle school came, I had to come to terms with the fact that others viewed me as a female. That certainly helps trans people. I was told I'd get over it and regret it. Empires come and go, but the church stands. Get a daily email featuring the latest talk, plus a quick mix of trending content. If I could go back in time and tell my 14-year old self that this is who we become, she would be stoked. She said Cathy had to send a letter stating that we are still married, which we accompanied with proof that we are still married. Some struggles are obvious to all, but most are privately endured. My dad was my hero, and my dad's not my dad any longer. Perhaps part of the beauty of being both a scientist and a human being is admitting that at times there are facts that cannot be disproven. Our granddaughters are our delight. My message to my Trans Brothers and Sisters is that you are important just for existing in this turbulent time and your ripples go far beyond what you can see today. Is that too much to hope for? There has been an explosion of bigotry directed at one of the most at-risk populations in our nation. I am about as privileged as a transgender person can get, but even I have received an uptick in emails, texts, and other forms of anti-trans rhetoric aimed at me. . My music keeps me going. 'Survivor' Winner Nick Wilson Now a State Lawmaker Addresses Backlash for Controversial 'Anti-Trans' Bill, Zaya Wade Lands First Magazine Cover: Fashion Is a 'Really Important Part of Expressing My Identity', 'Harry Potter' Actress Evanna Lynch Weighs in on J.K. Rowling Backlash: 'Give Her More Grace', Childhood BFFs Fall in Love and Marry After One Comes Out as Transgender: 'I Love His Big Heart,' Says Wife, Dwyane Wade, Gabrielle Union Plea for LGBTQ Rights at NAACP Image Awards: 'Will We Fight for All? Over 50% of Transgender people have had at least one suicide attempt by their 20th birthday. Ive been working on the talk for months. because of a church that stands somewhere in the East. "We thought we knew what the trajectory of our family was going to be, and we had to re-create it," Paula explains. Being a female to male, I have no male influence. You might be surprised to hear this, but my list of examples of being treated misogynistically grows exponentially. Paula Stone Williams is a Pastoral Counselor and internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. The side of my family I thought would disown me (Hispanic Catholic) have actually accepted me with open arms. It is a joy to help the speakers bring them to life. I find myself exploring people more fully and more beautifully now that I don't really regard gender or bodies as any sort of label for them. I dont even like to go back and reread any part of my memoir, the most recent book Ive written. Read by Paula Stone Williams About The Book Reading Group Guide About The Author Product Details Related Articles Raves and Reviews Resources and Downloads As a Woman Trade Paperback Get a FREE ebook by joining our mailing list today! I was teased and beat up on Jr. High for being different. Please upgrade your browser. Therefore, we do need to be cautious when prescribing estrogen, testosterone, or anti-androgens. To be successful as a blind man, I had to be strong. Growing up in the most densely Mormon area in the world, I never really understood what transgender meant. I am Rev. It was this weird wave of emotion. My wife would be like, 'You're super depressed,' and I'd go, 'I know, I'm super depressed, I don't know what to do about this.' I learned that no matter how bleak the outlook may be, it IS possible to be your true self no matter how many obstacles are in your way. Thanks Longmont Times-Call. She confided in Cathy only that she sometimes found comfort wearing women's clothes in private. I am a little surprised by those who have unabashedly said, Oh, I dont read books. That last one always throws me. Paul Williams, who led the conservative church planting organization Orchard Group for 20 years, has publicly come out as a transgender woman named Paula Stone Williams. Now I am not afraid to speak up, be visible, and engage in life. "I will never forget the transgender teen who talked with me after I spoke at my first public event, a PFLAG conference in Boulder. He reminds us of Jungs central question. They are to love God, love neighbor, and love yourself. I really hope that through creating visibility of diverse gender experiences we can break down the stigma. Every now and again, I check out their latest news. Nevertheless, life goes on and we do our best to love each other well. Todays church, at its best, focuses on the needs of refugees, immigrants, children, the LGBTQ+ population, individuals with disabilities, women, the economically disadvantaged, and a plethora of other people groups that have been marginalized. So, all of that happened. Why? In some ways I have realized that I was barely living before. If you want to think about the true absurdity of that, just consider that those same state legislatures do not have a single gun violence bill pending. Ive also thought about doing a talk on staying young while growing older. I don't think she will stay with me if I become a woman. I became a filmmaker to save myself, needing to express myself creatively rather than destructively. I have been avoiding Florida and any state that has recently passed anti-transgender leglislation. I had known for most of my life that I was somewhere in the middle, and that I didn't fit with men or women. The Rev. The name change process was awkward for both my friends and l but after some time, my new life became comfortable. I remember being in that place as a young person feeling like I can never have the life I wanted to have. Now, in an exclusive interview featured in this week's issue of PEOPLE, Paula, who has risen to prominence as a trans-rights and gender-equity activist, opens up about the inclusive church she's founded, her new memoir As a Woman and her work now to make amends by spreading lessons of love and compassion. I am proud to be trans. I am living a happy, proud, and gender fuzzy life these days. The notion of heaven as the destination, or sustained bliss, or abiding peace, are notions from the past. It took me a long time to fully comprehend the difference between gender identity and gender expression. My despair had not been caused by the inequities of the world around me, but by my own willingness to sacrifice my true self in order to belong to it. Church attendance might be down, but the church will be just fine. I don't look at myself in the mirror and fixate on the world I left behind to be myself. I probably do not give enough weight to the emotional effect of having the world I inhabited for five decades turn its back on me. Even those who have transitioned have higher than average suicidal ideation. Williams has experienced American life as both a man and a woman. When I transitioned, I saw a clear pathway forward for transgender people. My contract says I am not allowed to tell you how many copies have sold. We need allies and apprentices on deck. (The word count of this blog is now at 375, by the way.). It is all or nothing. He went on to say, Transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely. I dont mean to alarm you or anything, but since transgenderism doesnt exist without transgender people, what he is advocating sounds more than a little like genocide. I am comfortable in my own skin, as though I have finally come into my self. And today that simply doesnt happen. Paula Stone Williams is a Pastoral Counselor and internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. We need apprentices, willing to take direction from the trans community, to help us battle the ignorance and prejudice permeating our nation. I am an individual who can be more or less masculine and more or less feminine as my frame of mind and circumstances allow. I am a man and living as the man I am saved my life. Sam Banks-Friedman said he didnt read books and that anything that needed to be said could be said in a six-paragraph blog. I spent so much of my life encouraging others to be as themselves, trying so hard to live a life of love. Paula Stone Williams - Wikipedia Another problem is that social pendulums perpetually swing from one extreme to the other. Swamplands of the Soul, by James Hollis, is covered with notes and underlined passages from front to back. Though I guess I shouldnt have been surprised. It calls relentlessly toward the elusive land of authenticity that is always just over the horizon. The Orchard Group board, staff and extended church planting family wish Paul and Cathy (his wife) God's best as they step into the future," the announcement said. April 1, 2023 April 1, 2023 / Paula Stone Williams / 4 Comments. I knew I was different but there were zero resources available and it was something that I had to live in silence about. At the age of 65, I knew I couldnt keep up the pretense much longer. Three friends reached out to me just to let me know they are thinking of me. Yep. Nevertheless, neither one of us ever strayed, and we never contemplated splitting up. Life, though much harder, is much better - much more real. We just happened to be his last clients on his last day. Paula has been featured in theNew York Times, TEDWomen, TEDSummit, TEDxMileHigh,Red Table Talk, theDenver Post, the New York Post,New Scientistmagazine,Radio New Zealand and many other media outlets. I am comfortable in my own skin, as though I have finally come into my self. I always knew that I was different. I heal each time I play. Im concerned that more and more people have no problem saying to me, Oh, I dont read books. Do they really understand what they are saying? Williams began his work with Orchard Groupin 1979 and became the president and chairman of the group in 1989, driven by a "simple statement of faith.". As I began to transition I was told I would never be able to model as a "male", because I was only 5'7 and not a real man. I knew I couldn't change who I was, so I resolved to act on it. If you turn to the page, the quote is underlined or in brackets. In my opinion, that is a sign of their deep shame about their behavior. There was this idea that being trans and a person of color made my story less relatable when it wasnt 'in season'. When you don't give up, and you stand against the world in defiance of what others try to make you do? Both of our fathers performed the ceremony. Nicole Vickey Pastor nicole@envisioncommunitychurch.org Nineteen anti-transgender bills have already been signed into law in the last 14 months. Its not hard counting them. Sam Gillette is a books Writer/Reporter for People.com and People Magazine. As a pastor, it is an honor to perform weddings, funerals, baby dedications, baptismal services, and be present for every other milestone of our communal lives. Whenever other people are involved, you confirm the facts with them, or when that is not possible, with others who were present. A transgender woman who is a mental health professional, clergy person, and former CEO, she brings powerful insight, poignant perspective, and solid guidance regarding this timely concern. There are many, particularly in the academic world, who believe gender is purely a social construct. I'm too stubborn to not be myself, so I've never hidden who I was. Gender is only learned environmentally. [1] Williams came out as a transgender woman in December 2012. Follow Paula Stone Williams on WordPress.com. It cost them their daughter," Paula said. From my earliest childhood memory I felt male and though my young mind didn't yet have the words to explain it, I knew I was different. Itd be laughable, but its not. I would rather you be gay or be splitting up from Mom.' Ive met with everyone who has asked to meet with me, but that is exactly three people. I went through my entire childhood, ignoring the fact that there was something different about me. For me, living as my authentic self is the greatest thing I can do both for myself and for all the people in my We went through many ups and downs since the first time we met and were still madly in love 15 years later. I was tired of living in a shell of myself, and I'm so glad I've made this journey. Nevertheless, people get upset. That same year, Paula was ordained and her life as a conservative preacher and evangelical-Christian family man was set in stone. Passing means if people don't know me, they see me as female. I didn't know I was a transgender female until around the early '70's while in the military. They are far more basic. Twenty-five years ago, 70 percent of us identified with a local religious body. This is not a choice. What makes #MeToo so unique is that sexual misconduct . Now though, I'm happily married to a woman who loves both aspects of who I am as a person and loves me. It all started in the 1980s with the Moral Majority. The early period after transition was also an awkward period of adjustment, not unlike adolescence, but I made it. It is that way for everybody. We only want what you want. Knowles is not the only one making inflammatory statements. As she passed away in my arms it occurred to me that life is so precious and we all deserve to be happy. My first TED Talk, about the differences between experiencing life as a man and as a woman, has been the subject of most of my talks. I never really had a name for it until I was an adult. My children have all but written me off, and Im hoping with time, things will progress. I just finished Kelly Rimmers The Things We Cannot Say. At .58 percent of the population, we trans folks are definitely a minority. Read Story Paula Stone Williams from Lyons, Colo. Pastoral Counselor. It wasn't until I was a freshman in high school that I found the world to describe the piece that was missing. Yet even when he returned to his home and his beloved Penelope, he was called onto yet another journey, this time inland, a metaphor for the truth that the most important journey is the journey into the deeper regions of ones own soul. But I also know I had little choice but to transition. I had dismissed my feminine yearnings as mere proclivities. I simply know in my heart and mind Im a woman. Some of the complaints about the ministry come from pastors who started churches with them. My five granddaughters think I should do a talk about them you know like how extraordinary and brilliant they are and how remarkable that is, you know, given the fact that they carry my genetic material and all. Have any of these people actually ever met a transgender person? Our respect for each other remains, as does our love. There is no room for passive citizenship. They place our lives within a context we can understand, one that provides wisdom. Paula Williams at the CPR studios Wednesday Dec. 19 2018. My friends said they needed more people holding more umbrellas to protect the children. I forget there is still a world in which intelligent people believe men are supposed to be in charge of their families and churches and pretty much everything else. In the newspapers defense, the article did focus on the fact that the threats were completely unsubstantiated. We live beyond the binary. Were still missing over $1600 in reimbursements from the school system that were required to have been sent by December 31. "I thought, 'Oh, s---. Beyond the health insurance fiasco and the hate mail, I have a rich and rewarding life.