Long live the king. Age, Pay, Hell. ", Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. George will always be remembered by his fans for the influence he has had on various angles of their lives. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. You are not turning 60. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Happy 60th Birthday! At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. 218 Copy quote. I'm taking your birthday as an opportunity to thank you for all that you are to me. 125 George Carlin Quotes. We're coming for you! It's your 60th birthday! Do you get on before you get on? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. 1 of 10. "Carlin on Campus". The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. My heart felt wishes and blessings are coming your way on the wonderful occasion of your birthday. Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote. 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life Comedian - George Carlin. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.23.Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.24.I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. He's just sayin' that stuff.'. Maybe this time itll work., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town., Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Its never just a game when youre winning., I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam., Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy., People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think., I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff., If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little., Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. 1.Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Share with friends. The people are f**ked.58.If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.59.Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.60.I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. Showing search results for "George Carlin On Birthdays" sorted by relevance. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.50.Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.51.I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. I don't give a shit! I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I'm not just 68. I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose it'll be much harder to detect. He loves you and he needs money. George Carlin. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.18.In America, anyone can become president. George Carlin On Birthdays Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2022 We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Do you get on before you get on? "Don't just teach your children to read. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. - George Carlin. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. 25 Insanely Funny George Carlin Quotes . These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.45.I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam.46.I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.47.Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.48.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.49.So, have a little fun. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid, number 2 on Comedy Centrals 100 best comedians list, 25 Hilariously Honest Chelsea Handler Quotes, Beyonce Quotes: The Best Lyrics and Lines From Lemonade, Adele Quotes: The Best Lyrics and Lines from 19, 21 and 25, The Weeknd Quotes: The 25 Best Lines & Lyrics On Love. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. This post is not only a celebration to everything he stood for, but a reminder that some of the most powerful messages we receive in life can come from the most unlikely places. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? What does it mean to pre-board? I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.". If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Its been 5 years since his passing, and the world still feels a little emptier without him. We just can't stop people from being homeless if that's their choice. We have the war on crime, the war on, There is a mistake in the text of this quote. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. I liked the radio comedians. We havent tried that for a while. Thank you! I wanna live. His stand up routines have covered everything from politics and religion to relationships and the world around us. Did you hear me? The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. There's a humorous side to every situation. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. Discover George Carlin quotes about language. But he loves you. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. 500 matching entries found. His take on conventional comedy made him one of the most famous and widely remembered artists till date. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Show more. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. 500 matching entries found. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Famous Birthday Quote. Carlin was always fearless and took pride in never running from conflict. Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors. What does it mean to pre-board? "He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.". As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, d..k Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another. August 26, 2013. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. His parents split up when he was an infant because his . Try spelling Evian backward.10.Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., 11.Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away.12.Think off-center.13.Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.14.Dont just teach your children to read. God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. In a career that spanned over 50 years, what remained constant was his opinionated nature and take no prisoners approach to comedy. Happy Birthday to you! We haven't tried that for a while. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes Create amazing picture quotes from George Carlin quotations. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics. Thats the problem.19.We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.20.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.21.Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., 22.When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. Happy 60th Birthday! If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball. Yippee your birthday is finally here. Chris Rock. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. I hate groups of people. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. You know an odd feeling? Do you get on before you get on? been here 4 1/2 billion years. - George Carlin. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Teach them to question everything.15.We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid., by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:39 pm, by emmanuel tamrat July 8, 2016, 8:54 am, by Quotezine Team April 24, 2016, 10:32 pm, by Quotezine Team February 15, 2016, 10:17 pm, by Quotezine Team November 27, 2015, 7:19 pm, by emmanuel tamrat September 14, 2015, 2:06 pm, comedianscomedy quotesdeadfunny quotesfunny quotes and sayingsfunny sayingsgeorge carlinlovemarriageone linerspoliticsreligiontop 25. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it? Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you. "In America, anyone can become president. 31. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. Related Topics. The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings - Search Quotes Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. "Orange Is the New Black Geek Is the New Chic 60 Is the New?" Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. They should be more vivid. It just becomes something more entertaining. To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God.
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